Moving Forward & Update

Moving Forward
Closing a Chapter & Finding a New Normal 

I guess I feel the need to make one final footnote following our hospice & loss journey.

Don't worry, more pictures below. :)

I told my family a week or so ago that I finally feel like I can put the past (mostly) behind me and move on.  It's nearing six months since Mom passed away; the events of the last 9 months (actually since Nov. 2014 with Mom's first heart episode) have been draining to say the least.  I still occasionally have tearful days, but I can see a light at the end of this tunnel.  My attention is finally shifting back to our home front; my wonderful family has been so very, very gracious & helpful as I work through all this, and I'm so thankful for them, now if I can just extend that same grace to myself as I feel so very behind on everything.

~~~~~

Just as a quick update as to some of what has transpired regarding the aftermath of Mom's death:

We sold Mom's townhouse in 5 days (Lovin' that it's a seller's market!!!), but the 1st buyer backed out of the deal a week before closing (AUGH, no reason given), so then we sold it again in 6 days.  Then at the 11th hour, a week before the scheduled closing, the buyer finally has their inspector come out and wants us to do 4 fix-ups prior to closing, which didn't seem all that big of a deal -- one was just plugging in all the appliances and making sure they work (they do, we just unplugged them to reduce utility costs on a vacant home).  Jeff easily did two more -- (2) adjusting a setting on the garage door opener & (3) replacing the dryer vent with a non-flexible tube, but the fourth item  

Mom's Townhouse

was a new electrical box -- did I mention this was the 11th hour?!.  So without the luxury of having time to get estimates, we hurriedly got an electrician out there and a new box was installed ($3,000+); we are ready to close!  But wait, there's more...  so immediately after we bend over backward and get everything ready for a July 13th close, we are informed that evidently the buyer's lender had dropped the ball and didn't get an appraiser out soon enough, thus the closing would have to be pushed back another 2 weeks.  Oh man, I couldn't believe it!  Yes I cried!  Hope deferred makes the heart sick (Prov. 13:12a)  Additionally, all the delays cost me more money since I still have to pay utilities, association fees, and property tax.  Now the closing is set to happen in less than a week...[Update: The townhome closed June 26th, yeah!  The lady agent for the buyer was quite rude and she made sure the buyer was in one conference room and us in another -- passing papers back & forth between rooms (I've never been in such a situation).  I never did get to meet the buyer or even get a good look at her, which makes me sad; I was all prepared to give her information on the place, answer any questions, and wish her the very best.  Instead the agent grabbed the folder and cut me off in an unpleasant tone & hurried me in trying to explain the folder I had for the buyer.  I wonder whether the agent had a very false preconceived idea of me or whether she's that rude to all sellers, but I found it very hurtful.]        

The few final utility bills are coming in and being paid; it feels amazingly freeing!   I will be free of all those additional expenses and almost done with everything, everything that is except...

I am still nervously awaiting for the medical bills to arrive.  I've only received a couple relatively minor bills, but I expect to see at least one very substantial hospital bill.  And unfortunately it looks like I might be forced into a battle as Mom's supplemental health insurance has all of the sudden decided not to pay any of Mom's 6-day hospital bill that included ER and ICU. (What?)  In doing some research, I am now finding out that Mom's choice of supplemental medical insurance is notorious for stalling and not wanting to pay, so as if dealing with a loss isn't enough, now I have to rally myself & fight them.  Their reason for not paying is fishy to say the least, and now they are stalling -- their dishonesty may work on some, but they don't know who they are dealing with here.  Getting tough with them is the last thing I feel like doing, but we are talking a lot of money, so if I'm unable to get anywhere with them soon, I'll be reporting them to the State Ins. Regulatory Department. (sigh)  Hopefully they will change their mind.

So in closing on all that I've shared about caring for the elderly and our hospice & funeral experience, I guess my top two words of advice are:

1. Make sure your loved one has really, really good life & health insurance.

2. Document, document, document everything!  Even on what might seem insignificant, like cancelling satellite tv or auto insurance.  Make sure to write down everything and keep it on file -- when you called (record date & time, who you talked with, make good notes after each call), keep copies of correspondence, etc. because some of it might unexpectedly drag on or come back to haunt you, and you want a paper trail to look back on that gives you an upper hand when dealing with unsavory individuals/companies.  You might think you are doing alright, but it's surprising how grief/loss can really fog one's thinking & memory, and as hard as it is to comprehend, some people take advantage of that.

All in all,  I think I was/am doing pretty good.  It takes an unbelievable amount to time to make closure on a person's life -- closing accounts, sending out letters with "proof" that you are the qualified representative/executor, phone calls, emails, organizing, etc..  The stress and emotions of it all can leave one in a fog; I went through the motions of just getting things done on an as-needed bases with little else accomplished, interspersed with periods of just staring out the window while thoughts drift to replaying recent events or recounting memories of the past.  Not only my life, but that of our entire family was somewhat on hold for a very long time, always "on call" not only during Mom's declining health & impending death, but pretty much for the last 24 years -- between Daddy's and my aunt's decline/death, and my Mom's reviling ways, it's been a long season.

Finally my thoughts are really beginning to switch over to the here and now -- back to my beloved family and farmette, and finding a new norm without the constant worry over my extended family.

 So, with that said, boy do I feel behind!  I can't believe it's already mid-July -- I feel like I'm just getting started and already school supplies are filling the store shelves and fall fashions are starting to appear.  So, when we are not consumed with estate matters, here is a little of what we are squeezing in during our fleeting Minnesota summer:

  

Garden

Despite a late planting because of caring for Mom's estate, our garden is doing well.  God has blessed us with some amazing successes and unusual failures.  I'll give more detail about that in my next blog post.

Farm & Ranch

Earlier this spring we ran out of hay for the horses and Grandpa had to come to the rescue with a couple big round bales -- it was fun to try the rounds, but I guess I like the square bales best.  Last year we bought most of our hay from my in-laws, not realizing the bales are a bit smaller, they just didn't suffice -- this year we will get more.  Here Jeff & the girls are gathering the first cutting at the in-laws, working fast as a thunderstorm draws in.  

Horses

 Our silly horses are doing just fine, but are underworked.  Our beloved farrier keeps asking if they will be getting off of welfare this year, haha.  I wish.  But between the weather, the girls work schedules, and again, Mom's stuff, this year isn't looking good either.  I spent an hour combing out Sundance's mane and the dreadlocks he seems to twist; I hated to cut his beautiful long mane, but it wasn't looking very beautiful the way it was either.  On hot summer days, we go out every 2-3 hrs. and mist (hose) down the horses to cool their body temperature.

Rodeo Days in Isanti, MN

Rodeo

Of course, the local rodeos are a highlight of our summer.  I think Anna & I have been to only 4 rodeos so far this year - we're slipping.

Bison at Sunset on Snake River Farms

Meat

Our freezers are FULL of meat!  I order beef, bison, lamb, and last year, chicken, from a farmer/rancher who operates much like famed farmer/author/lecturer Joel Salatin of Polyface Farm.  It's an hour drive just to pick up the harvested cuts, but well worth the lovely drive. 

Fit & Healthy, not really

Hubby works for a major medical device corporation and as part of our corporate medical insurance, we have to earn 15,000 points each by the end of the year in order to receive a discount on our medical insurance.  Of course, my Mr. Sporty has long surpassed that goal, whereas I didn't even start until mid-June, but I'm happy to say I already have over 11,000 points.  We were given these cheapie fitbit-like activity trackers, but I must confess, mine seems a bit off and I can rack up the steps much faster then Jeff by doing practically nothing.  That's okay, I need the advantage -- a little friendly competition. :)

Chalkboard-looking Calendar

One Crafty Project

Haven't had time for much home projects, but I recently finished this 20"x16" framed calendar.  I painted the frame, left over from the funeral photo display, and ordered the jpeg calendar on Etsy.  The girls can write their schedules on the glass with wet erase markers so we know when they work and I can easily tell Gma when she calls and asks -- she likes to stop in at their work to visit.

    

That's about it for now.  There's always something.

The girls are working a lot and so we really enjoy a rare day/evening when we all four of us can be together, but we are sorely behind in having people over because of work schedules -- meanwhile summer is flying by.

I am feeling like I'm finally ready to start tackling home projects again.  Besides the house needing a good thorough cleaning and the garden & flowers needing constant weeding, here are my top to-dos:

• Changing up paint colors on the walls
• We are badly in need of a new sofa, but I can't find anything I like -- the search continues.
• We have 3 clocks that need service; after calling to inquire about house calls & the sticker shock, I'm going to watch (no pun intended) some online videos and see if I can do it myself. (scary)
• I love looking at real estate and for the past couple of years Jeff & I have been talking about the future, retirement, and what that will look like.  Now that we know what we want, I'm on constant lookout for the "perfect" land to build our retirement cottage.  I would like to be on a lake, Jeff wants lots of land, we both want a one-story walkout.  So with real estate tight, if I find something, we will jump on it, which could be tomorrow, or it could be years from now.  At any rate, although we love our location now, we know this 3-level home will eventually not work for us -- too big, too many stairs!

That's all!

Next post I'll give a little photo journal of our garden, so far.

See you Soon!

Until then,

Happy Summer!!